In life, there’s joy, love, laughter — and inevitably, heartbreak. It’s a universal experience that, at some point, we all find ourselves facing. My journey through a breakup was like riding a rollercoaster of emotions.

As I sit down to pen these words, I’m reminded of the raw ache that initially accompanied the end of that chapter in my life. It’s a feeling that many can relate to, the sensation of being adrift in a sea of emotions, thinking and wondering what should I do and how to cope with this emotions.

The day was on 9 December 2022, I went to my ex’s place by train and hoped to see her again after 4 months of a long-distance relationship. Little did I know that this trip would lead me down a path of unexpected twists, emotions, and personal growth. On the first 2 days I arrived there, she won’t even see me just for a few moments until I talked to her again and she agreed to see me on 12 December.

On that day, I was hoping to see my girl all cheered up and ready to have some adventurous trip with me. But I felt something strange, she’s seem disgusted and annoyed to see me while I’m the opposite feeling all happy and wanting to spend some time with her. We had a little conversation about life and then she uttered words that hit me like a thunderbolt.

“I don’t have feelings for you anymore”

I was confused, panicked, thinking to myself “Why? why? why? what’s wrong with us? I thought we were committed” I begged to her for starting over and telling her that I can do better then I cried not wanting her to leave my life but she said that there was nothing more she can do.

There are five stages that I went through after that breakup

Denial and Depression, happened in the first week after that breakup when I was back in my home, like some others of you would’ve thought. Yes, I was feeling depressed. I would stop eating for 3 days and then eat a little on the next day. It continued like that for 3 weeks until I lost 10–12 kilos. It felt like I was living in a daze, shutting out the world and retreating into the shadows of my room.

In that phase, I thought “No! no! no! it’s not happening to my life. This isn’t real” I wrote her many letters consisting of multiple papers that are filled with my thoughts hoping that she would change her mind.

Anger, as the weeks turned into months, anger became a constant companion with depression as accompanying. Every little inconvenience seemed to magnify. I even hated myself for it. For instance, if my friend messes up my lunch order, I’ll get upset and toss the whole meal into the trash, just like that.

Bargaining. In a desperate attempt to salvage what was lost, I reached out to her after three months. A simple message, “Are you in town right now?” was met with an unexpected ultimatum to block me across all social media if I reached out again. Honestly, I couldn’t help but find it strange how defensive she became over a simple question. But I get a feeling that in this breakup she was also feeling some guilt.

Acceptance is not yet happened to me, for the last 8 months, I was circling between depression, bargaining, anger, and denial. But I feel that I’m getting close to acceptance because I didn’t think much about her anymore and I found other things to prioritize at.

To those currently experiencing a breakup, don’t fight it. Just be with it along the way. You don’t have to accept it right away, you could grieve for a moment but remember that you got to stand up and move on. There’s no shame if you haven’t moved on in a certain time, everyone is different. Others can move on 1 month after a breakup and others like me need more time to move on. You can do it!